I’ll admit that I’m not a generally funny person, but I’ll give it a go and hopefully I’ll be able to inject a bit of humour into my answers.
Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never …
Expected to say some of the things that I do. Here are a few of the statements I’ve heard coming from my lips in the past few weeks.
“Stop sticking your fingers up your brother’s nose”
“No, cars can’t jump”
“No, you’re not dead. You’re just tired”
“Please stop encouraging your sister to lick your ears”
What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days?
7am, although we do sometimes have the odd day when they kids sleep until 8am and that is like all our prayers have been answered as once. Mind you, I’m usually awake from 6am waiting for the
patter of tiny feet stampede of rogue elephants to come crashing into our room.
I’ve been a mum for 20 years now so I don’t really remember what it was like pre-children.
What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?
Any of the nonsense that comes with the McDonald’s Happy Meals that they insist on keeping for eternity. A close second is the rubbish that they manage to convince the grandparents to buy which has no educational value and gets played with for about 5 minutes after they’ve gone before getting lost in the bottom of the toy drawers.
Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss.
Yes, definitely. That said how Postman Pat has managed to keep his job for this long is beyond me. I think they may have been using his shows as a training video for our local posties as it takes my postman until almost 3pm to get my post to me. If he gets involved in everyone’s business as much as Postman Pat does then it’s hardly surprising.
As for Peppa Pig, her entire family should be made into bacon sandwiches. The entire program drives me insane from the theme music to the whiny voices to the incessant repeats.
Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?
I’ve had both over the years and on at least one occasion when my youngest was a baby, both at the same time with a wee thrown in for good measure! My instinct would be to say poo everytime, unless is was my son who struggles to pass anything resembling solid on a regular basis.
Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.
As I mentioned above I’ve had the pleasure of being covered in the full range of bodily excretions at the same time. The worst occurrence was just after Anya’s 6 week check up. After we’d finished it was time for her feed so I went and sat in the car to feed her. Half way through her feed she managed to poo that spectacularly that it went all the way up her back to her neck and through her vest and babygrow onto my hand and through onto my clothes.
My OH had gone to the chemist with Corey taking the changing bag with him so I was sat there feeding a poo covered baby for around 5 minutes until he came back. As I moved her to change her nappy she puked all down me and then when I finally got her nappy off to change it she finished it off by weeing all over me.
While all this was happening my OH was stood outside the car telling me not to get any on his car seats, although he did help eventually.
This was just one of many poo related incidents and it was difficult to pick the worst.
What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?
Cockwomble has to be one of my favourite swear words ever. I’m not sure when last used it as I usually have little ears just ready to repeat the most inappropriate things at the most inconvenient moments.
These days I try to avoid swearing as much as possible and try to use alternatives.
There is no electricity and won’t be for the next week. NONE. After eating the contents of the freezer (assuming you have a gas cooker) what the hell do you do with yourself?
Our cooker is electric so we would be borrowing a camping stove to cook. Unless of course I managed to sneak away to a hotel for the week.
If that wasn’t possible I would probably spend my time reading by candlelight.
If you didn’t need the money and didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?
If you could travel to any period in time without worrying about anything changing, where would you go?
I love the idea of time travel although still can’t get my head around it. I can just about understand Back to the Future, but Terminator turns my brain to candyfloss.
Despite the fact the time travel confuses the hell out of me I would still love to be able to hop in a time machine and visit various points in history. I have no interest in travelling to the future. However, I would love to go back to 22 November 1963 to see if I could work out exactly who killed JFK. I would also love to see Elvis Presley in concert (although I would probably have to take my mum too otherwise she’d never forgive me).
If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)
James Martin, Angelina Jolie and Will Smith
Obviously James Martin would be cooking. Will Smith would be providing the entertainment and Angelina Jolie would be there for the conversation.
What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?
I have read loads and it’s hard to narrow it down to on particular favourite. I will probably have to go with one I have read recently by Hurrah for Gin. You can read it here
Now for my nominations
Paul at Babysitting the Kids
Laura at Chatty Chronicles
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